Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
