Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
