Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
