I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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