Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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