someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
