Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
