shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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