This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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