So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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