Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
