Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
