Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
