I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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