If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
