id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
