i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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