The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
