I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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