i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
