some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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