4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
