I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
