I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
