this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
