Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
