dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
