Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
