She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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