P.S. I can't hear my feet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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