Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
