she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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