Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
