can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
