She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
