please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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