so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
