if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There are leaves in my underwear?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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