stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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