dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
