Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
