trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
