Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
