Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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