time to smoke my breakfast
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
