where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
false alarm, still single
Randomize
