I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
