pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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