i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
