Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
