she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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