i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
