Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
