i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
