Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
